Closing a door
There are times when we must close a door. And I mean really close the door, tight, maybe even lock that door, maybe even lock that door and throw away the key!
Last year I experienced a lot of loss. "Kick in the gut" type of loss. My brother, cousins, a beloved Aunt, a close friend and more. Some of the loss was very much expected, and some hit me out of the blue. As you might have read here before, I have come to view Grief as a gift. Remember if you never love, you never get to grieve.
As this new year rolled in, I was still keeping the door to my 2017 grief wide open, maybe even keeping a foot in the door to make sure it didn't shut! Why? My brother's death was unexpected and in addition to grief, I was holding on to regret, guilt and self condemnation. Not the cheeriest group of emotions at anytime. A full house when you throw in grief.
Not that I believe you can put a time limit on grief, each of us co-exist with it in our own unique way, but it wasn't the grief that was becoming paralyzing. it was the other emotions: Regret, guilt and self condemnation. A hard trio to shake.
I think I have just closed that door. Tom died without a will, and in addition to feeling like I could have, should have done more during his lifetime I was feeling I needed to to more for him once he left this lifetime. I was wrong, I did what I could for him while he was here in this world. I could have done more if I knew more. But could of's, should of's, and would of's are irrelevant at this point.
I am letting go. I am letting him and his mysteries go. RIP.
Sending Love, Light & Blessings to all. Be Kind - Do Good - Love All
Last year I experienced a lot of loss. "Kick in the gut" type of loss. My brother, cousins, a beloved Aunt, a close friend and more. Some of the loss was very much expected, and some hit me out of the blue. As you might have read here before, I have come to view Grief as a gift. Remember if you never love, you never get to grieve.
As this new year rolled in, I was still keeping the door to my 2017 grief wide open, maybe even keeping a foot in the door to make sure it didn't shut! Why? My brother's death was unexpected and in addition to grief, I was holding on to regret, guilt and self condemnation. Not the cheeriest group of emotions at anytime. A full house when you throw in grief.
Not that I believe you can put a time limit on grief, each of us co-exist with it in our own unique way, but it wasn't the grief that was becoming paralyzing. it was the other emotions: Regret, guilt and self condemnation. A hard trio to shake.
I think I have just closed that door. Tom died without a will, and in addition to feeling like I could have, should have done more during his lifetime I was feeling I needed to to more for him once he left this lifetime. I was wrong, I did what I could for him while he was here in this world. I could have done more if I knew more. But could of's, should of's, and would of's are irrelevant at this point.
I am letting go. I am letting him and his mysteries go. RIP.
Sending Love, Light & Blessings to all. Be Kind - Do Good - Love All